Dealing with my grief after losing Spider

As you can imagine, the last few days have been hell for me, after losing my beautiful furbaby Spider to cancer last Saturday. 

The kind support from so many people on Instagram has been overwhelming and amazing, and Doug who runs his Weggieboy Blog also made a big difference by publishing this post honouring Spider, plus the comments from people on that post have really helped me. I still feel very much alone with my grief, because let’s face it, grief is very personal and nothing anybody says will make things better or bring my Spider back to me. But knowing that people understand is a great big help. Most “normal” people will think or say “oh, it’s just a cat” or “well, why don’t you get a new one now”, and I will just have to ignore these people without getting angry with them, because that is simply what they are like and I can’t change that.

The nicest thing a person, who appreciates animals but is nothing like us hardened animal lovers and animal rights activists, actually said to me was “I am very sorry to hear that B. It makes no difference who does or doesn’t understand, and the only thing I understand is that you are very upset, which is the only thing I see in your message, regardless of what the reason.” I have always thought in a similar way – it does not matter the reason why someone is grieving, or whether it’s a frog or an elephant they are grieving over, the fact that the person is devastated is the only important thing, and to give comfort to anyone in that situation is the only important thing! 

So now I am slowly working through my grief, trying to put things in a positive way. Joy Marok (Queensugarbunny on Instagram) sent me a private message suggesting a book called “Soul Comfort for Cat Lovers” which is specifically for cat people, and not just a general publication about pet loss. I have not finished reading it yet, but so far some of the tips in this book have really helped me, creating something positive out of my grief over Spider.

I started with making up an altar for him in my bedroom, where I put all his favourite toys and other stuff – and I added the toy tarantula yesterday, which he loved playing with when he was younger. I talk to him there often, telling him what me and his bro and Ruby are up to each day. In a way, it feels like he is still there when I talk to his beautiful face in the photo. 

The second thing, turning something so sad into something positive and creative, was to start writing a “Book of Memories” (pages of which I have now published >> HERE <<). Because all memories fade in time, I thought I should start with this immediately, also adding some photos to each entry. I find it hard writing by hand, and after half an hour my fibromyalgia pain started shooting down my whole right arm, but I am going to continue writing bit by bit over the next few days or weeks. 

Rest in peace, my boy. I will never ever forget you or stop loving you, my sweet, gentle Spider.